testimony with a twist.

[loganonekenobi]

My story begins like most in America.  My family and community was heavily Christian and so I was indoctrinated from the start.  At the wise age of seven and with no knowledge of any other way of thinking I made the most important decision of giving my heart to Jesus.
I was taught that by doing so that a holy spirit would come and fill my heart with love and strength to help me deal with a harsh and chaotic world full of people that seemed to love the idea of informing me that I was a terrible child just for being an inexperienced human being at 7 years of age. I guess my younger self should have been wiser somehow.
7 years latter and no holy spirit, no love, no strength to deal with life and other people and lots of praying to understand what I had done wrong to deserve such agro from my fellow Christian.
So there I was with kitchen knife in hand looking to end what was a miserable failure of a life.  Fortunately I decided to try something...anything else before giving up. It seemed to me that what had been taught about the philosophy, culture, and religion was not up to the task of helping me live a life of at least some happiness.  The decision to drop all that seemed logical.  I started all over again.  Nature seemed to be the best place to listen to my thoughts and develop ideas that could be effective in giving me a life worth living.
The idea of experimenting with other philosophies also seemed logical.  I found Budhism, Wicca, Hindu, atheism and a few other that I cannot recall.  Of all of them the one most concerned with solid change of ones life was Wicca.
Wow did it work.  I got exactly what i was looking for.  I felt the rare spiritual connection to everything.  Life was worth living for the first time in my life. Everything was different and better.
However, I made the terrible mistake of letting my community know of my change of faith.  That was a huge mistake.  The law may have given me the right to believe as i chose but the community did not would not give me such a right. Life was even harder due to the christian community.  Even when i moved on to the military where I could earn my right to believe as i chose there was extreme harassment from the very people who swore an oath to protect the rights of America.
In time I came to realize that my experience was due to internal factors such as my age, my diet, my emotional state and many other personal properties at the time.  Others before me had such experiences and often attributed them to their current cultural deity. however, science can show how such happenings can be triggered by certain factors. Of course, by no means does science claim to know all the answers when it comes to the human experience.
What would the theist say?  Would he/she say that I was deceived by their version of Satan?  Would they say God was testing me and I failed?
I can say this at least from my perspective, if the Christian community had shown the "loving" side of Jesus to simply let me be and find my own way it would be a good bet that i wouldn't even want to be here in this forum.
I would place a larger bet that this whole atheist versus theist idea wouldn't exist if my story wasn't so often repeated in this and other countries.
 

[kravarnik]

My take on this, from the details you've shared in this testimony of yours, is that it seems you chose Christ, or chose to commit to Christ purely because of the consequential benefits that may come from this. In my opinion, it becomes even more evident, when what you cite about Wicca being the one view that "worked" for you, since it bore certain fruit.

I think it's a wrong motivation to have, especially when coming to Christianity. One ought to commit to Christianity, because one thinks it true, because one is convicted they are a sinner, who needs forgiveness and salvation and because one has come to love Christ and the Father.


I don't think there was any testing done. It was a misguided reason, it seems, to commit to Christ. Belief in Christ isn't practical for this world. Also, Satan cannot stop God from revealing Himself to someone, who chose to love Him with all his heart, mind and spirit. I don't think you came to embrace Christ and His Father precisely in this way... if at all, especially given the fact that since you didn't get any practical use of this belief, you dropped it(kind of shows how much you loved the God of the Bible... that the moment He doesn't deliver the needed pragmatism that you expect to come from this belief, you abandon Him).


I could be wrong, but reading your testimony it does seem like you're after some practical use of belief in God. And you're not into this for the sheer purpose of getting to know a deity and come to love Him or enter in a relationship with Him under the conditions He sets. Apologies if I'm wrong.

[loganonekenobi]

You did see the part where I said "7 years latter".  If the god of the Bible had not revealed himself by that time then it was unlikely to do so at any other time.  I fail to see how after doing as the bible instructed that I did not put forth the effort to know God.  I was sincere as a deluded child could be.
Then there are the actions of the Christians around me in response to my search for a better spiritual way.  You did see that part?  There was no evidence to me that that these people shared a divine love of any sort.  I know..."no true Christian...."
I was convinced by my teachers that I would be filled with some sort of spiritual strength and happiness.  Was this a lie only to sell me Christianity.  If so then I'dd say it was the worse thing they could have done to a small child. Do you think it's okay to use a child's gullibility to insert a religion?
You hear all the testimony here about some great turning point due to acceptance of God.  You would not disagree with them would you?  Would you say that if someone felt the exact same thing while pursuing some other faith that it was false?
I love the philosophical talks as much as the next forum debater however,  at what point does some one have to deal with the real world and make a practical decision?  At what point must one conclude after silence and inaction that indoctrination was at hand instead of a true divine force?

[MID]

You did see the part where I said "7 years latter".  If the god of the Bible had not revealed himself by that time then it was unlikely to do so at any other time.

The Bible instructs to love God unconditionally, just as he loves unconditionally. It is clear that you did/do not love God unconditionally. I do not recall a passage in scripture that reads, "Do this for 7 years and you'll have collected enough Spiritual Coins to purchase what you're looking for."

I fail to see how after doing as the bible instructed that I did not put forth the effort to know God.

I fail to see how you, "did as the bible instructed." The Bible does not instruct abandoning God. It instructs you to give him your all, which you clearly did not, and yet you were surprised to find nothing?

You hear all the testimony here about some great turning point due to acceptance of God.  You would not disagree with them would you?  Would you say that if someone felt the exact same thing while pursuing some other faith that it was false?

If you have what I have, then I have no choice but to give you my congratulations, and be joyful for you.

[JTT]

I actually really love your story/testimony. It is very similar to mine. I may share mine as well. Thank you for sharing.

[williams]

I actually really love your story/testimony. It is very similar to mine. I may share mine as well. Thank you for sharing. ..

[kurros]

You did see the part where I said "7 years latter".  If the god of the Bible had not revealed himself by that time then it was unlikely to do so at any other time.

The Bible instructs to love God unconditionally, just as he loves unconditionally. It is clear that you did/do not love God unconditionally. I do not recall a passage in scripture that reads, "Do this for 7 years and you'll have collected enough Spiritual Coins to purchase what you're looking for."

I fail to see how after doing as the bible instructed that I did not put forth the effort to know God.

I fail to see how you, "did as the bible instructed." The Bible does not instruct abandoning God. It instructs you to give him your all, which you clearly did not, and yet you were surprised to find nothing?

I would have to say that this seems to me to be a deeply uncharitable interpretation of what the OP wrote.

[Aurirn]

Thank you for telling this story. I loved it while reading.