The Lose of Virginity - What Abortion Is
13 years went by, 14, 15, and I arrived to 16. Unfortunately, at this age I came to know my first fiancée and I went with him! The pressure from my girlfriends began. I was considered the black sheep, for the fact of being still virgin. Now that I had a fiancée, there began the psychological pressure! I had promised them that, when I would have a boyfriend, and then yes, I would have had relations; but before, no! … Now, I no longer had excuses! I said to my girlfriend Estela: “But… And if I get pregnant like you?” She replied that no, do not go and talk about this, because by now there were other methods, like for example condoms. In her time there existed only the pill, but now I would not have problems. She told me that she would give me 5 pills to take all on the same day, and to use the condom… And nothing would happen to me.
I felt bad at the thought of having to maintain this promise, but I did not want to make a scene with them.
When it happened… I realized that my mother was right, when she said that a girl who looses her virginity burns out. I felt exactly this, that something died in me… As if I had lost something, that I could no longer recuperate. This was the sensation that remained with me, together with an enormous sadness. I do not know why they say that sex is beautiful! I do not know why the youth say they experience pleasure! I do not think it is so good! In my country, Colombia, one sees on the TV so much publicity that speaks of secure sex, with the condom, and it encourages the use of it. There is so much exploitation of sexuality... I feel so much sadness in seeing this! If they only knew! If they only knew…
In my case, I assure you that I felt very sad, and I had a tremendous fear to return home, and that my mother might realize what had happened! Never again would I be able to look at her in the eyes, with the fear that she might see, in mine, that which I did! I felt anger and rebellion, about myself and toward my girlfriends, for having been weak, for having done something that I did not want to do, and that I did it only to please them…
You must know that, notwithstanding the counsels of my girlfriend, and despite all the precautions, during my first relationship I became pregnant!
Try to imagine the fright of a girl of 16 years being pregnant! (She cries). I began to note many changes in my body… Even in the midst of the fear, all the same I began to feel tenderness for this creature that I carried in my womb!
I spoke with my fiancée - later he became my husband - and I told him about this. He was surprised. I hoped that he might say that we would be married! I was 16 years old and he was 17 years old. But he said to me that we could not upset our life, and that I had to abort! Very worried, sad, very sad, I went to my girlfriend Estela, and she said to me: “Do not worry! It is nothing! Remember that I have already gone through it several times! I was a little sad the first time, the second time it was already easier, and the third time by then you do not feel anything!” “But can you imagine when I arrive home, and my mother sees me with such a wound? She will kill me!” “Do not worry, now they do not make wounds so big. The incision that you saw on me was enormous because also the baby was already very large, but in your case it is still very small, do not worry! Nothing will happen to you, your mother will not even notice!”
Oh, brothers, what sadness! What a great pain! How the devil makes us see things! … As if it were nothing, as if it were something without importance! …
As if an abortion provoked the most natural thing in the world! On the contrary, stupid people feel bad! That sex is to be consumed, without remorse, without fault! But do you know why the evil one does this? Why he leads people to this? Because, among other reasons, he needs human sacrifices! In fact, for every abortion provoked, Satan acquires ever more power.
No one can imagine the consternation, the fear and the sense of guilt when I arrived in that hospital, (a good distance from my house), in order to abort! The doctor gave me an anesthetic. But when I woke up, I was no longer the same! They killed that creature, and I died with her! (She cries).
You know, the Lord showed me in the Book of Life that which we do not see with the eyes of the body, and what happened when the doctor did the abortion. I saw the doctor who, with a type of pincers, grabs the baby and breaks him into pieces. This baby shouts, with so, so much force! Even though there has not passed even a minute from the moment of fecundation, it is already an adult soul. We can use the pill of the day after, or whatever kind of means, but we are always dealing with killing a baby with an adult soul, completely formed: because it does not grow like a body, but is created by God in the same instant in which the ovum and the sperm meet, in that precise moment! I saw in fact, in the Book of Life, how our soul, as soon as the two cells touched, form a spark of beautiful light, and this light seemed to be a sun that comes from the Sun of God the Father. In an instant, the soul created by God is adult, mature, in the image and likeness of Him! That baby is immense in the Holy Spirit, who comes out of the Heart of God!
The womb of a mother, immediately after the fecundation, illuminates suddenly from the splendor of this soul, and of it’s communion with God. When you tear out this baby, this life… I saw how the Lord jumps, when this soul is ripped from His hands. When they kill him, the baby cries out so much; all of Heaven trembles! In my case, when I killed my baby, I heard him cry out a lot, but so strong! I saw Jesus on the Cross who cried out and suffered for this soul, and for all the souls that are aborted! The Lord cries from the Cross, with so much pain, to much sorrow…!!! If you might have seen, no one would have the courage… to provoke an abortion (She cries)
Now I ask you, how many abortions are done in the world? How many in one day? In one month? … Do you understand the dimensions of our sin? The pain, the suffering that we procure for our God? … And how much He is merciful, how much he loves us, notwithstanding the monstrosity of our sins? Do you understand the suffering that we procure to ourselves, and how evil takes possession of our life?
Abortion Is the Gravest Sin; It Is the Most Terrible of All
Every time that the blood of a baby is scattered, it is a holocaust to Satan, who acquires in this way still more power. And this soul cries out. I repeat, we are dealing with a mature adult soul, even though it does not yet have eyes, nor flesh, nor a formed body… It is already completely adult. And this his cry so great, while they kill him, devastates all of Heaven. On the contrary, it is a cry of jubilation and of triumph in hell. The only comparison that comes to my mind is the finals of a world soccer championship: imagine all that euphoria, but in an enormous stadium, so immense so as to loose sight of the boundaries, full of devils who cry out like crazy beings their triumph.
They, the devils, threw on me the blood of those babies that I aborted or that I contributed in killing, and my soul became black, completely black.
After the abortions, I thought by now that I no longer had sins… The saddest thing was, instead, to see that Jesus showed me how, also in my family planning, I was killing… Do you know why? I was using the IUD (intrauterine device) as a contraceptive. From 16 years old, up to the day that the lightning bolt struck me! I took it out only when I wanted to get pregnant, (once married), to then put it immediately back afterwards.
I want to say to all the women who use these intrauterine devices: yes, they provoke abortions! I know that it happens to many women, - because it happened also to me - , to see often clots of blood rather large during the menstrual period, and to feel pain much stronger than normal. We go to the doctor, who does not give much importance to the fact: he prescribes a painkiller, an injection if the pains are too strong, telling us to not worry, that it is normal, because we are dealing with a foreign body, but there is no problem. Do you know what it is, instead? It is a micro abortion!!! Yes! Micro-abortion! The intrauterine devices provoke micro-abortions, because as soon as the ovum and the sperm unite, as I already told you, right from that moment is formed a soul, that does not need to grow, being already adult: these devices do not let the fertilized ovum to implant itself into the uterus, which thus dies. That soul is expulsed! For this we are dealing with a micro-abortion. A micro-abortion is an adult soul, completely formed, which was not permitted to live. It was very painful to see how many babies were fertilized, but then expulsed. These little suns, originating from the Sun of God the Father, these divine sparks, could not grab on to the uterus due to the IUD. How they cried out, while they were torn out from the hands of God the Father because they could not implant themselves!!! It was a dreadful scene…! And the worst is that I could not say that I did not know!
When I would go to Mass, I would not pay attention to what the priest said. I did not even listen, and if they might had asked me which verses of the Gospel had been read, I would not have known what to respond. You must know in fact that the devils are present even at the Mass, in order to distract us, to make us fall asleep, to impede us to listen. Well, in one of these Masses during which I was totally distracted, my Guardian Angel gave me a jolt and she uncorked my ears, so that I might listen to what the priest was saying in that moment: I heard him precisely speaking about intrauterine devices! He said that they provoked abortion, and that all the women who used them to control the births, actually were aborting; that the Church defends life, and that anyone who does not defend life cannot receive Communion! Hence, all the women who are using this method, cannot take Communion!
How I heard those words, I became infuriated with the priest! But what kind of things do these priests have in their heads? With what right?! For this the Church does not go forward! It is for this and for that, that the churches are empty! Of course, because it is not with science! But who do they think they are, these priests? Do they think that they will give food to eat to all of these children that we might have?... I left the church infuriated!
The bad thing was that, while I was being judged before God, I could not say that I did not know! In fact, notwithstanding the words of the priest, I did not give heed, and I continued to use the IUD!
How many babies I had killed? … Here is the motive for which I was living so depressed! Because my womb, instead of being a font of life, it was transformed into a cemetery, in a “slaughterhouse” of babies! Think about it: a mother, who God conceded the immense gift of giving life, to take care of her own baby, to protect it from everything and everyone, precisely that mother, with all these gifts, kills her little child…!
The devil, with his malefic strategy, has brought humanity to the point of killing their own children. Now I understand the reason why I lived in continual bitterness, depression, always ill tempered, ill-mannered, with ugly ways of doing things, with a bad face, frustrated with everything and with everyone. Of course! I had transformed myself, without knowing it, into a machine to kill babies, and for this reason I was sinking ever more into the abyss. Abortion is the worst of all the sins (those provoked, not when it is spontaneous), because to kill the children still in the womb of the mother, to kill a little innocent and defenseless creature, is to give power to Satan. The devil commands from the depths of the abyss, because we are scattering innocent blood! A baby is like an innocent lamb and without stain… And Who is the Lamb without stain? It is Jesus! In that moment, the baby is the image and likeness of Jesus! The fact that it might be the mother herself to kill her own child, determines a profound bond with the darkness, permitting that more devils from hell might come out to destroy and strangle humanity. It is as if one might open the seals… Seals that God has put to impede evil to come out, but that, for every abortion, it opens… And so horrible larvae come out, so that there are more and more devils… They come out to chase and persecute humanity, and then make us slaves of the flesh, of sin, of all the bad things that we see, and we will see always more. It is as if we might give the key of hell to the devils, to let them escape. And so escape more devils, of prostitution, of sexual aberrations, of Satanism, of atheism, of suicide, of indifference… Of all the evils that we see around us. And the world is getting worse every day… Think how many babies are killed every day: it is all a triumph of the evil one! That you might know that for the price of this innocent blood, the number of devils outside of hell grows; they circulate freely in our midst! Let us take shelter! … We sin without even realizing it! And our life transforms itself into an inferno, with problems of every type, with sicknesses, with so many evils that afflict us; all of this is the pure and simple action of the devil in our life. But it is we, we alone, that open the gates of evil, with our sin, and we permit him to freely circulate in our life. It is not only with abortion that we sin! … But it is among the worst sins. And then we have the nerve to blame God for so much misery, so much disgrace, so much sicknesses and so much suffering!
… But God, in His infinite Goodness, still gives us the sacrament of Reconciliation, and we have the opportunity to repent and to wash our sin in confession, breaking in this way the strings that tie us to Satan, and his influence in our life. In this way we can wash our soul. … But in my case, I did not do it!
Bad Counsels
How many times we kill, also spiritually?! How many of us worry about that our own children have cloths to wear, to adequately eat, that they can study…? And if they get sick, we run immediately to the doctor… But how many of us, often, kill our children? So many are sad, or full of anger, bitter, because they do not have near them the father or the mother, they do not have the love of the parents. Just imagine a women who presents herself in church, for example, and says: “I thank you, my God, for these children so good that you gave me; they are so good, but so good, that from the time that the father left me, they hate him, and they love only me!” Do you know what this mother did? She killed her children spiritually. Because to hate is to kill! How many times we poison our children?! You do not imagine how it makes God sorrowful our upsetting, poisoning the children against the father or the mother! God does not permit it!
Jesus showed me that I was a frightful assassin, because not only did I sin when I aborted, but I also financed many abortions. Here is the power that money gave me! I made myself an accomplice. I used to say, in fact: the woman has the right to remain pregnant or not! … I looked at the Book of my life… And how it pained me to see that which I did years later, when I was by then adult! When we have poison inside of us, we cannot give to others anything good, and all those who come to us become ruined. Some girls, three of my cousins and the fiancée of my cousin, came often to my house. Being the one who had money, I invited them, and I spoke to them about fashion, about “glamour”, to how to exhibit their body to be attractive, and I ladled out counsels. See how I prostituted them! I prostituted the little ones! This was another horrible sin, after abortion. I prostituted them, because I gave them these counsels: “Do not be foolish, girls, do not give heed to your mothers, who speak to you about chastity and about virginity: it is old fashioned stuff. They speak about the Bible, which is 2000 years old… And then, these priests, who do not want to update themselves, they speak to you about what the Pope says, but the Pope is also out of fashion”. Consider the poison that I transmitted to these girls. I told them that they could arrange their own body, only they must pay attention not to get pregnant… And I taught with which method.
The fiancée of my cousin, who was 14 years old, arrived one day to my outpatient clinic, crying a lot. He said to me: “Gloria, I am a young girl, I am a young girl, and I am pregnant!” I almost shouted at her: you stupid thing, did I not teach you how to do these things?!” And she replied: “Yes, yes, but it did not work!”
Do you know what God wanted from me, in that moment? That I might have supported that girl so that she might not have fallen into the abyss, that she might not have aborted. Abortion is a current that draws one in, that causes suffering, because you will always feel emptiness, pain, to be the assassin of your child. The worst, for this girl, was that, instead of speaking to her about Jesus and helping her, comforting her and supporting her, I gave to her the money to abort! Certainly, in a secure place, to not be harmed physically…
But it remained spiritually, and for the whole life.
Like this, I financed so many other abortions. But I still had the courage to say that I did not kill, that I was good, that I was Catholic, that it was not right, that I could not remain in that horrible place…!
Moreover, the people who I did not like, I hated and detested them, and I spoke badly about them. I was a false person, hypocrite, and also an assassin: because it is not only with weapons that one kills a person. To hate, calumniate, to envy, do deride, to do evil, also this is killing.
Atone For Our Sins
As I already said, abortion is the gravest sin before the eyes of God. So many people ask me how to atone for abortion. In fact, we cannot restore the life to the baby; but in the Catholic Church we have a blessing so great! The sacrament of Reconciliation. In confession, God forgives us, and that which the priest looses on earth, is loosed also in Heaven. Glory to God, for this! Blessed be the Lord for His Goodness! … The Lord forgives us, but remember that which Jesus said to the adulterous woman: that she go in peace, but that she not return to sin! “Go in peace and sin no more”.
Another act of reparation is “Baptism of intention”. To baptize babies, as the priest did today, in this celebration, so that they can come out of Limbo . See the wisdom of the Catholic Church! These babies enter into the Glory of God! Now they are little Angels, who pray and intercede or our salvation. See the beauty of the “economy” of God! See how God transforms all for our good! Nothing is lost! And when one evangelizes on abortion, and a baby is saved, also this is atonement! When a woman aborts, beyond asking pardon of God in confession, and to not abort ever again, she can also contribute to avoid other abortions, of other women: doing this, she atones for her sin, enormously! This is reparation!